


it's a wonderful life

by neopuff



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 11:25:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17140895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neopuff/pseuds/neopuff
Summary: “Hey hey! You’re not gonna ask, so I’ll just tell you.” Hughes' ghost (or whatever it was) had a grip on his friend’s arm again, hoping he wouldn’t fight to get away. “I’m here because of what you said earlier.”“You’ll have to be more specific.” Roy tugged at his arm.“You said that everyone would be better off if you were never born. Remember that?” Hughes let go, hoping Roy was interested enough to stay.





	it's a wonderful life

**Author's Note:**

> I started this fic many many months ago. Glad to finally have it done lol! It's very blatantly just It's a Wonderful Life but with Roy so I didn't bother with a creative title. And it cuts a little shorter than I originally intended BUT it's still pretty long for a oneshot so I'm not sure how long I intended it to be initially.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy! Merry Christmas!

Maybe it wouldn’t be fair of Roy to say that this was the worst night of his life. He’d had plenty of bad nights. He’d had plenty of bad nights that brought him to a cruddy little bar like the one he was in currently. And he’d had plenty of bad nights in cruddy bars that ended with him sleeping on his Lieutenant’s couch while her dog sniffed his feet and he woke up not knowing where he was.

 _This_ was the first time he was hallucinating along with his usual nonsense. Well, probably only his usual nonsense, who’s to say where the night would take him?

Roy couldn’t take his eyes off of the man who just sat next to him at the bar – there was a surprising lack of snow on his hat and shoulders, and he didn’t order anything when the bartender walked over. His glasses were a bit askew and his hair could use a good combing, but otherwise Roy recognized him immediately.

The man was absolutely, undoubtedly, indubitably…Maes Hughes.

He glared at the man for another two minutes. This had to be a hallucination, obviously. Maybe it was finally time to stop drinking every time he felt depressed. This could be a sign.

“…Hughes?” he finally said, hoping to whatever God was out there that he wasn’t about to make the biggest ass of himself in front of a complete stranger. Or maybe he hoped he _was._

Instead, he got a big smile in response. “Hey Roy! Finally. I was beginning to think you didn’t recognize me anymore!”

Roy thought about that response, called the bartender over, took a quick shot of whisky, and then stood up. “I think it’s about time I went home.”

Maes stood up with him and put a hand on Roy’s arm. “Wait, wait, wait. You’re not wondering why I’m here? Not even a little bit?”

“Of course not,” Roy said while swatting his dead friend’s hand off of him. “You’re obviously not real, and I have a drinking problem. This is probably a dream and I’m already passed out on Hawkeye’s couch.”

Hughes laughed. “Alright, alright, so even if this is a dream, you’ve gotta wonder why your dream brought me here.”

“Just to torment me. That’s pretty obvious.” Roy shrugged on his coat and pulled out some cash to leave on the counter. “To remind me that it’s my fault you’re dead. Maybe Havoc will show up next crawling on the floor. Hawkeye on fire, her father screaming in his grave. Same old, same old.”

Hughes had a disturbed expression on his face. “Have you considered therapy, Roy? Like…at all?” He was already headed out the door without even glancing back. Hughes followed in a hurry. “ _Hey!_ You’re not dreaming!”

Roy rolled his eyes. “Then it’s time for me to go to bed. Either way, I’m not humoring this.”

“Hey _hey!_ You’re not gonna ask, so I’ll just tell you.” Hughes had a grip on his friend’s arm again, hoping he wouldn’t fight to get away. “I’m here because of what you said earlier.”

“You’ll have to be more specific.” Roy tugged at his arm.

“You said that everyone would be better off if you were never born. Remember that?” Hughes let go, hoping Roy was interested enough to stay.

“I guess.” He shrugged. “It’s true. You’d be alive, for one.”

“Roy, come on-“

“Havoc wouldn’t be retiring from the military before he turns 30, for two.”

“Roy.”

“Thousands of Ishvalans could’ve lived-“

“ _Roy!_ ” Hughes shoved a hand over his mouth. “Shut _up!_ You think everyone would be so much better off without you? _Everyone?_ ”

“Pretty much, yeah.” Roy started walking home again. “Thanks for reminding me. You can disappear now.”

Hughes sighed loudly and caught up to walk with him. “Okay, listen. I’m your Guardian Angel, alright? So I’m here to make you less depressed. Or realize that you’re a worthwhile person. Or whatever.”

“You’re doing a wonderful job.”

“Were you always this annoying or did you get worse after I died?”

Roy didn’t respond and continued walking – he was really regretting drinking so much. Though, come to think of it, he hadn’t had _that_ much to drink. Hallucinations weren’t common for him, either. Hopefully he hadn’t been drugged.

“Alright, look…if you want, I can prove to you that your life has had a positive impact on a lot of people. Even me – though you probably won’t believe that.”

“Not for a second.”

“Hmm, hmmm. Then alright, let’s do it!” Hughes clapped his hands together, almost like he was doing a transmutation. “Boom! Done! You were never born!”

Roy looked over at him. “Great. Really helpful.” He looked up at his apartment building in the distance and stuck his hand in his pocket to grab his keys. “…oh, hell. Of course.” He angrily pointed to Hughes. “I forgot my keys thanks to you!”

“You probably just don’t have keys anymore.” Maes smiled. “Since you were never born, you don’t own an apartment.”

Roy ignored him and started walking back towards the bar. He grumbled the whole way there, hoping his Hughes-hallucination would just _disappear._

* * *

Lucky for Roy, his hallucination hadn’t spoken much on the walk back to the bar – though he was still trailing right behind him. So annoying. He stepped back into the bar and looked over at his seat, finding it clean and empty of any keys.

He looked all around and under them before glaring up at the bartender – who was different than he was just a half hour ago. “Hey, did someone take the keys I left here?”

The bartender raised an eyebrow at him. “I think you’re at the wrong place, Buddy.”

“What?” Roy scowled. “No, I was just here less than an hour ago. I was sitting right here. Just…just call Reynolds and ask him about it.”

“Reynolds?” The bartender seemed a bit taken aback. “Yeah, I’ll call him and then call my great-grandma, too. He’s been dead for years!”

“…what?” Roy turned away from the bartender to see Hughes smiling at him. “What the hell is going on?”

“You were never born! How many times do I need to say that?” Hughes sat down in the stool next to Roy. “I guess something you did while you were alive must’ve saved that bartender’s life. Weird, right?”

“…so I’m _maybe_ indirectly responsible for one man being alive,” Roy said with an eyeroll. “Is this some kind of prank?”

The bartender shook his head. “Uhh, you’ve either had too much to drink already or you’re just plain crazy. Do you have someone you want me to call?”

“Oooh, yeah, who do you normally call when you’re completely wasted, Roy?” Hughes smirked. “You have her number memorized, right?”

Roy rolled his eyes again. “Alright, yeah. First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye.” He recited her number and ignored Hughes making a lewd comment behind him.

The bartender waited a moment before setting the phone back down. “That number doesn’t exist.”

“What? No, I know that was right.”

“Well, then she changed it without telling you.” He shrugged. “It’s a shitty way to get dumped, but I’ve heard worse ones.”

Hughes snorted and Roy turned to glare at him. “This isn’t funny! She could be in trouble!”

“Oooh, my God, Roy!” Hughes grabbed his arm. “How do you still not get this? You! Were never born! So why would Hawkeye be living in Central in the apartment you helped her find?”

He shoved him off. “You’re really starting to piss me off!” He looked at the bartender again. “Give me the phone, I have a couple other numbers I can try.”

Hughes watched Roy go through the seven stages of grief each time a number he entered led to a non-existent line. It would be fascinating if it wasn’t so sad. What was it about the living where they couldn’t understand when they were being taught a supernatural lesson? Idiots.

After watching him try Hawkeye’s number for the fifth time, Hughes finally stepped in. “Alright, that’s enough. How about I get you out of here, okay?”

Roy ignored the bartender mumbling “ _finally!”_ and nodded slowly before following his friend outside. “Hughes…what’s going on? Where is my team?” This was one hell of a nightmare.

Maes shrugged. “I don’t know! I’d assume they’re all still at Eastern command, since they didn’t have you to recruit them and bring them here.”

Trying to process this, Roy felt his legs give out and he fell on his butt. The sidewalk was snowy and cold. “You can’t just…remove me from history.”

Hughes leaned over him. “I can and I did. Well, technically it wasn’t _me,_ but you get my drift.”

“That’s nonsense.” Roy fell backwards and let his head lay on a pile of snow. “This is just a much more intricate nightmare than any of the others I’ve had.”

“If you really believe this is just a dream, theennn…you should go along with it!” Hughes smiled. “It could be a prophetic dream, right? Or maybe it’s just going to teach you something about yourself you didn’t know before?”

Roy slapped his hand over his eyes. “This isn’t a movie, Hughes! Dreams don’t work like that.”

“Yeah, well, almost-immortal beings shouldn’t exist either, but you just killed one not too long ago.”

“Hmmm…” Roy removed his hand. “Okay. You’ve finally brought up a good point.” He sat up and brushed the snow off his hair. “What should I do next in this weirdly specific dream?”

“Obviously, you should go find out what all of your favorite people are doing without you having been around to change their lives.” He lightly punched Roy’s arm. “Like me! Or Hawkeye!”

“If I was never around, I doubt Hawkeye would be in Central.” Roy frowned and looked up at his friend. “So I guess I’ll visit you, then?”

“Perfect !” Hughes smiled. “I’m excited to see how I’m doing. Besides alive, obviously.”

“Yeah. Can’t wait.”

\----

Roy stood at the sidewalk in front of the familiar Central home. The yard was the same as he remembered – same little path heading up to the front door, too. He looked up at the dark sky and realized that there could definitely be a problem with him showing up at a random home in the middle of the night just to see how they were doing.

But, this was a dream, after all. So what did it matter?

He started to walk towards the door, and then was hit with a sudden realization. “Hey, how’s it going to work if you answer the door, but you’re also standing next to me?” Roy turned around to see that he was completely alone. “…I guess that’s how.”

Being abandoned by his own ‘guardian angel.’ Well, that didn’t boost his self-esteem. Though, to be fair, at that point…nothing was.

Roy took a deep breath as he went up the small staircase and stared at the door. It wasn’t the door Hughes and his family had before – this one was a distinctly different type of wood, and a completely different doorknob. Though he hadn’t visited Gracia and Elicia since Hughes died, he knew the small details of their home would never leave his memory.

And he also knew this was a terrible idea. He was still drunk. He knocked loudly on the door and hoped that no one would answer.

Twenty seconds passed without a sound. He was almost in the clear. Hughes’ ghost could come back and tell him to go find a bench to sleep on for the night and then he’d wake up back in his bed…or something like that.

But then…the pitter patter of tiny feet rushed towards the door. Elicia was awake? It was past 10. That was way too late for her.

As the door opened, Roy felt confident that this was a mistake. In more ways that he anticipated.

A little boy with ashy blonde hair stared up at Roy with big, brown eyes. He was wearing pajamas and looked like he’d just gotten out of bed. He had a few similarities to Elicia, but was younger and overall clearly a different kid.

Clearly a product of Gracia and…someone else.

“Who’re you?”

Roy blinked down at the child and gulped. What the hell was he supposed to say to that? “I, um…I’m-“

“Theodore, don’t leave the door open, it’s cold out – oh…hello there. Can I help you?”

To make matters worse, Roy found himself looking right at the woman he knew as Gracia Hughes – her hair was a little bit longer than he remembered, but otherwise everything about her was the same. She was tall and beautiful and everything Maes ever wanted in a woman.

But they got together when Roy and Hughes weren’t even living in the same town. How could he have any affect on that?

“Um…yes, I…I’m a friend of Maes Hughes, and was…” Oh, God, this was going so badly already. This was a terrible idea. “…was wondering if you knew where I could find him.”

Her immediate reaction was telling – shoulders stiffened, eyes widened, nostrils flared just a bit. She looked down at her son and frowned. “Theo, go back to bed. This will only take a moment.”

Theo nodded and scurried off, clearly eager to sleep again. Gracia grabbed a jacket and stepped outside, closing the door behind her. “How long has it been since you last spoke to Maes?”

Roy frowned, heading down the small staircase to give her more room to stand. “Um…it’s been quite a while. I just wanted to talk to him.”

“So why did you come _here?_ ” She was clearly getting annoyed, and Roy wasn’t sure how to remedy that.

“I…remembered your name from an old conversation, asked around,” he blurted out. It was the best he could think of. “I’m sorry for intruding, I can assume that you’ve broken up, so I’ll just be on my way-“

“It’s…” she started, taking a long breath before continuing. “It’s not that we broke up, but…well, if you were his friend, you deserve to know this. He…died. Just a few years ago.”

Roy’s heart started to feel heavy. “…died? _How?”_

She took another breath. Clearly she didn’t enjoy retelling this story. “Stabbed by an Ishvalan. I still remember getting his letter about coming home to see me soon, and then a week later I got a letter with the awful, awful news. I’m…sorry you had to find out about it this way.”

He shook his head and moved a hand to rub his temple. “I…it’s fine, I just…I just need to process this. I…I had no idea.”

“Do you need to sit down?” She wasn’t totally comfortable inviting a stranger into her home, but the genuine reaction told her this man wasn’t lying.

“…no,” Roy muttered. “No, I’m sorry that I bothered you.” He looked up at her and quickly turned around to head back.

It didn’t make sense. Or maybe it did, but he couldn’t rationalize it. Without him, Hughes died in the war. Hughes never married Gracia, never had Elicia. He died years younger than he had with Roy by his side. But did that still justify any of it? He didn’t feel like it did. Was it better or worse for Gracia to have had Hughes in her life longer? What did any of it mean?

What felt like a few minutes had passed, and Roy finally looked up to see where he’d walked to. A quick glance around and he could see he was near Central Hospital – a forty-five minute walk from the Hughes’ home.

He sighed. Where was that stupid ghostly Hughes when he needed him? He couldn’t even call his Lieutenant or pay for a hotel since he _had_ no Lieutenant and no money. Time to sleep on a bench and wake up feeling gross and stupid for having gotten so drunk.

Hawkeye would be pissed at him for sleeping outside in this cold weather. Killed by sickness rather than homunculus? She’d never let him hear the end of it! Obviously he’d end up haunting her and she’d spend the whole haunting telling him what an idiot he was.

Roy sat down on the bench and looked up at the stars. He missed her.

* * *

There were plenty of shitty ways to wake up in the morning. Afternoon? No, definitely still morning. But a kid dumping water on your head and going “ _are you alive, Mister?”_ was absolutely one of the worst ways he’d ever been woken up.

Roy growled at the kid and his friends who screeched and ran off and he shook off what was left of his sleepiness and looked around. Still on a bench. That couldn’t be good. He shoved his hands in his coat pockets to find that he still had no keys, no money, and no identification. Because he “didn’t exist.” Sure. But where was his guardian angel to keep him entertained? Hughes just disappeared and still wasn’t back.

He sighed and thought about what he should do. He was hungry and depressed and alone and probably dreaming. Trying to fly was definitely not going to work. Maybe he’d just head back to the bar and drink himself into a coma so they wouldn’t be able to charge him.

As Roy started to walk, he felt an especially cold chill run up his spine and turned to the side to see if Hughes had come back. Rather, he was suddenly faced with a conundrum: there was a very hefty-looking wallet sitting on the ground a few feet in front of him.

And, of course, a man and woman a few feet in front of _that_ , clearly being the ones to have dropped it. Roy bent down to pick it up and weighed it in his hand. He didn’t have to give it back, this was a _dream._ He could make all the bad decisions he wanted and there would be zero consequences to them. All of them! He could just take this wallet and go get some food and then go drink and nothing bad would happen to anyone at all.

He continued to think these thoughts and he walked towards the man and woman. Damn his stupid moral conscience. “Sir! _Sir!_ You dropped your wallet!”

The man and woman turned around and Roy’s eyes widened. Definitely not someone he expected to see wandering around Central with a gorgeous woman on his arm…

“…Havoc?”

Jean raised an eyebrow and came back over. “Thank you! But, um…sorry, do I know you?” The woman came up and laid her hand on her boyfriend’s (husband’s?) arm.

Roy stared for another moment. “Oh, um…no, sorry, I just…um…” How was he going to explain this one? “I…I recognized your face from somewhere, but I’m…not sure where.”

Havoc and the woman blinked down at Roy for a moment before Havoc started smiling and rubbed the back of his head. “Ah, geez! It must be from the newspaper!” He laughed and the girl giggled and patted his arm. “My last promotion was a big deal and it was printed…I didn’t think anyone would recognize me for it!”

“…promotion?” Roy’s eyes finally made contact with the stars on Havoc’s uniform. “…C-… _Captain?!_ ” His heart was racing. Not only was his friend dating a beautiful woman and still had feeling in both his legs, but he had literally _shot through_ the ranks and was a Captain at his age? “…congratulations.”

Havoc smiled again. “Thanks, man! And thanks for grabbing my wallet, I would’ve been in real trouble without it.” He grabbed it out of Roy’s hands and looked through – clearly seeing that everything was still there.

Roy counted the bills as Havoc did. He was doing very well for himself, that much was clear.

Suddenly a couple cenz were shoved in his hand. “Here! For helping me out. You look like you’ve had a rough day, so…grab a hot meal on me, alright?” Havoc patted Roy’s shoulder and smiled again before turning around to finally take his leave.

He stared down at the cenz in his hand. It was enough for a decent amount of food. But…his mind was still racing just a bit. Maybe Hughes had died either way, but Havoc was doing so much better without him to ruin his life that it was making him want to scream. He had to do _something_ to burn off this guilt-ridden adrenaline. Run around. Punch something. Sex? No, not that. But _something!_

After another five minutes of just standing there staring at his hand, Roy realized this was a waste of effort. He was just going to get some food instead.

* * *

Roy now had living, breathing proof that he was solely responsible for Havoc’s life being ruined. Maybe not Hughes’ life, but definitely Havoc’s. And probably Gracia’s. If Hughes’ ghost was trying to make him feel like his life was worth living, this was _not_ the way to do it.

Hands in his pockets – since he didn’t have gloves to keep them warm, for once – Roy strolled down the street towards the marketplace. He may have been a dead man walking, but he was still hungry. Might as well get in a last bite to eat before accepting his eternal damnation and removing himself from the world so his friends could actually be happy.

Central wasn’t always so cold at this time of year, and Roy genuinely didn’t think he could get any colder, but he felt his body go completely stiff and frozen as his eyes landed on the last person he expected to see in the city. He really thought he’d been responsible for everyone moving to Central, didn’t he? That was ridiculous. Of course they could be here for other reasons.

Her hair was still short, and she was bundled up tightly in an expensive-looking coat and scarf. She was glaring down at some vegetables, clearly trying to decide which ones she should buy. She looked…positively _angelic._ Roy had just automatically assumed her life would be better without him in it, but now he’d get the chance to actually see. _Great._

But this time he had the upper hand. He could plan out his reason for knowing her ahead of time and _not_ look like an idiot for once. Hughes’ ghost would be proud of him for not fighting fate and just running head-first into it.

“Hawkeye?” he asked as he walked closer to her, trying not to get too much in her space. “Riza Hawkeye, right?

She paused for a second before turning and staring up at him. “Um…do I know you?”

Roy rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Ah, sorry, we went to school together briefly back in Wiradu and I thought you might remember me.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said with an embarrassed blush on her cheeks. “But I don’t remember you at all.”

Ah, blunt as ever. He knew for sure this was the same person, at least. “Nah, don’t worry about it. I’m Roy – Roy Mustang.” He held out a hand.

She smiled awkwardly at him before taking his hand and shaking ever-so-slightly. “Well, it’s still Riza, but I’m not a Hawkeye anymore.”

“Oh?” Roy faked a big smile and felt his heart sink. Of course! Of _course_ she was married and happy without him in her life! She probably had a handsome, rich husband who treated her right and they were planning to have a big happy family with lots of kids and dogs and everything that Roy could never offer her in his world. “Who’s the lucky guy?”

Riza took her hand back and blushed again, swiping at her bangs. “I’m, uh…I’m sure you’ve heard of him-”

Roy internally rolled his eyes. Handsome, rich, and _famous._ Of course.

“Riza?”

Roy looked up and his eyes widened as he stared at the man walking towards them. His heart started to race at double speed and he glanced down at Hawkeye, then back up at the man, then back down at her again. No way, no…definitely not. No way.

She waved back at him. “Just catching up with an old friend from Wiradu.” Riza looked a bit uncomfortable as she motioned behind her. “I can tell you recognize him. The _Hero_ of Ishval…”

“Solf J. Kimblee.” The man stuck his hand out towards Roy and held a characteristic smirk as Roy couldn’t undo his look of bewilderment.

“Um…” Roy didn’t know what to say. He wanted to just say ‘ _what the fuck?’_ and grab Hawkeye and run, but that probably wouldn’t fly with Mr. Hero Of Ishval in front of him. But seriously…what the fuck? “Roy Mustang.” He shook his hand, realizing after a moment that the man was wearing gloves made of ignition cloth.

Again, Roy’s brain started running on overdrive. No way. Nooo, no. No. No way.

“You’re from Wiradu?” Kimblee raised an eyebrow. Roy wanted to strangle him.

“…no, I just lived there briefly as a child.” Why were they having a casual conversation? Roy should be beating the shit out of him. Or, better yet, he should be in jail! Why was he not in jail? Why was he wearing ignition gloves? Why was _Riza married to him?_

“I see,” Solf smiled and nodded, clearly faking interest. “Well, I’m sure this has been fun, but Riza and I must be off. Can’t spend the whole day chatting, of course.”

“Of course.” Roy faked another smile. He wanted Kimblee to stop saying her name. It was really pissing him off.

As they started to walk away, Riza waving a small goodbye towards him, Roy realized he couldn’t just leave it like this. He _had_ to know how the hell this happened. Did his presence in her life completely prevent this from happening? Maybe he had a reason to live after all. “Um, actually-“

They turned to look at him.

“If we could see each other again, Riza, I’d love to catch up more. I’m curious if you know how some of our old classmates are doing.” He let out a small laugh, hoping this would work.

Riza looked up at Solf, who simply shrugged at her. She turned back to Roy. “There’s a nice café just over there. I could meet you there in…”

“We’ll be done in an hour or so.”

“In two hours, then.” Riza finished with a smile.

Roy’s eye twitched. Did she have to ask his permission? And did they just silently communicate? _He_ was the one who silently communicated with Hawkeye! Not this disgusting demon of a man! Who the hell was playing this evil trick on him? How the _Hell_ had his Lieutenant ended up married to this- this-! This _creature!?_

“That’d be perfect!” He smiled. “I promise not to keep her long,” he said to Solf – though he couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact with him.

Kimblee snorted. “I’ll hold you to that.” He wrapped his arm around Riza’s waist – giving Roy an even stronger urge to snap his fingers and waste the man into nothingness – and they walked off.

This was _wrong._ Roy felt disgusting having seen Kimblee’s hands all over her. He felt disgusting for thinking, for even a moment, that Hawkeye was happier in this timeline! And that made him pause.

 _Wasn’t_ she happier?

Even if she was married to a mass-murderer – at least, if he’s the Hero of Ishval, that was Roy’s take on it – she had clearly never been in the military herself. She seemed happy during this brief conversation. Maybe Kimblee was a better person here, too.

Roy shook his head. No way. There’s no way that his life somehow turned Kimblee into the monster that he was. This had to be a façade. Or he just wasn’t seeing the whole truth. He didn’t trust Kimblee for one second, and he definitely didn’t feel comfortable leaving Hawkeye with him. Maybe Havoc was happy and rich and Hughes didn’t leave a daughter without a father, but Hawkeye had gone from one madman to another. Roy couldn’t let that go without a fight.

* * *

When she entered the café, Roy took in a deep breath before waving. “Over here!” Seeing Hawkeye without Kimblee following behind her was like a dream come true.

She took a seat across from him and just stared at his face for a few seconds. Roy wasn’t sure if he should just say something, but as soon as he opened his mouth to start, she held up one hand to shut him up. “Alright…who are you, really?”

Roy blinked. “What?”

“I have a very good memory for faces. You definitely did not go to school with me in Wiradu.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “But you still know my name. Are you some kind of stalker?”

He sighed and scratched his cheek. “Of _course_ you would see right through that.” This was his Lieutenant, after all. Even without military training, she was as sharp as ever. “Did you tell your husband about this?”

She glared. “That’s none of your business. Now answer my question.”

Roy briefly considered just telling her the truth. Honestly, what else could he say? She wasn’t going to believe him, but maybe she’d humor him and answer a question or two. “Are you open to believing something that sounds completely ridiculous?”

She glared even harder. “Try me.”

“I…come from another timeline. Kind of. Where _I’m_ the Flame Alchemist and not – eugh – not _Kimblee._ And you’re in the military with me.” He took a drink of water. “Well, not, like, _with_ me, but you work for me.” He paused for a moment to look at her face and saw a blank and unamused stare. “See, I figured this wouldn’t sound realistic. Should we play that game where I tell you something about yourself that there’s no way I could know about it otherwise?”

“Before you even try that,” Riza started. “…why don’t you explain how you would move between timelines.”

“Oh, right,” Roy took another gulp of water. God, she was making him nervous under that stare. “Not really sure. I was feeling…depressed. Got kind of drunk, saw a man who looked exactly like my dead friend, followed him…ended up here. Weird, right?”

“…that’s one word for it.” She looked like she was deciding between leaving right then and there and a desperate need to hear him out. Roy was hoping she’d stay. “So what secret things do you know about me, then?”

Another gulp of water. God, he was running out and he didn’t want to say anything to the barista. “My best bet would be your back.”

She blinked. “Excuse me?”

“The tattoo. Flame alchemy. Your father – Berthold – he tattooed your back when you were seventeen. You didn’t want to do it, but you felt like you had no other choice. It holds the secrets of flame alchemy.”

Riza froze and stayed silent for a few moments. She was clearly processing what she’d just heard.

“I’m sorry if that was a lot. Most of our time together was after you entered the military and, well…you clearly aren’t in the military now, so…it’s all I could think of.” Roy fiddled with his empty glass. Part of him was suddenly nervous – what if Berthold didn’t tattoo Riza in this world? That would mean she was only tattooed because of him.

“…no one besides Solf and myself know about that,” Riza spoke softly. “So either you’ve been stalking me for years and I somehow never noticed…or you’re telling the truth.” She grimaced and rubbed her forehead. “I don’t know which one is more believable right now.”

Roy made a face when she said Kimblee’s first name so casually like that. “Really I’d just like to know how, um…how you ended up like this.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”

“…with Kimblee, for one. How did that happen?” Since Roy doubted Mr. Guardian Angel was coming back anytime soon, he needed to know. He’s a scientist! He had an unstoppable urge to discover truths.

“Hmm.” She seemed to be thinking about whether or not to tell the entire story. “He showed up after my father died. He…helped me. In more ways than you could possibly imagine.”

Roy wasn’t going to argue with that. He couldn’t imagine Kimblee helping anyone in anyway whatsoever.

As they spoke, an employee came by and placed a glass of water in front of her while refilling Roy’s before going back to other customers.

Riza just stared at the glass before continuing. “He sent me letters constantly while stationed in Ishval. And when he came back, we got married. It’s nothing particularly romantic.” She told him all this with a completely unemotional expression – it didn’t seem like she was particularly invested in the relationship.

 “What were you doing during that time?” Roy couldn’t help but wonder – if she hadn’t joined the military, what would she have done? Would it have been the same in his regular timeline?

“Solf left me some money to take care of myself and my house,” she said quietly. “He called it ‘payment’ for allowing him to learn flame alchemy. Otherwise, I was just doing odd jobs around the town to keep busy.” She rubbed her index finger over the rim of her water glass.

“And…what do you do now?”

Riza frowned and took a sip of water. “Cook. Clean. Talk to the neighbors, make Solf look good at military events. Generic housewife activities, I suppose.”

Roy let out a loud _“Huh,”_ which made the skeptical woman in front of him raise an eyebrow. “So _your_ version of me is in the military, hm? What’s she like?”

“She’s…” He pursed his lips and tried to think of the right words. “She’s strong and tough and intelligent…crafty and innovative. She’s loyal to a fault, but would do anything to help the people she loves and to make up for wrongdoings of her past. I’ve never known anyone else like her.”

“…wow,” Riza smiled a bit. “I’ve never either and apparently I _am_ her. She sounds amazing.”

“She is,” Roy said without hesitation. “A-and you are! I mean, I don’t know you very well, but like you said, you _are_ her, so…” He was rambling a bit. This version of Hawkeye was different in a lot of ways. More subdued, less attentive, and she seemed a more…lifeless. Maybe not miserable, but certainly not enjoying her marriage or lack of career.

It was a small comfort, amongst everything else this dream has shoved in his face. Though the knowledge that this version of her had never taken a life was going to weigh on him over top of everything else.

“Thank you, Mr. Mustang,” she said after taking another sip. “If it wasn’t for my father and husband exposing me to alchemy, I certainly wouldn’t believe this alternate timeline concept, but…on the off-chance that it _is_ real, I hope you can return to your home soon. I can tell you really miss your Riza.”

Roy smiled sadly and scratched his cheek. “Well –“

“And I know she misses you, too.”

* * *

He opened his eyes and lifted his head from the table - immediately noticing the sticky residue on his cheek and the spilled glass next to him.

“Wha…Riza?” He looked up and around. She was nowhere to be found, and neither was Hughes’ ghost. Or Kimblee. Or Havoc. He was still in the bar where he first saw Hughes the night before.

The bartender walked over. “Finally awake, huh? Who should I call to come get you?”

He blinked. It was Reynolds. And he wasn’t dead. “Am I…back in my own world?”

“Um…yeah, sure.” He made an uncomfortable face. “Are you alright?”

“…I have to go see my Lieutenant,” Roy announced and stood up quickly. After wobbling for a second, he slammed a few bills on the counter and rushed out of the bar.

“Wha-! Hey! Be careful out there!” Reynolds yelled after him.

Roy didn’t care. He just needed to get to Hawkeye’s apartment. Fortunately for him, the bar he’d picked wasn’t too far from her place - even with the snow on the ground trying to slow him down, he was making good time on his way there.

He knew she’d be mad at him for stopping by. Ever since Bradley forced them apart, they agreed to keep their contact to a minimum. But it wasn’t the first time and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. As he walked up the steps to her apartment building, suddenly feeling very out of breath, he briefly considered if checking that she was alright and unmarried was worth the danger of the homunculi seeing them together.

Roy stared at the numbers on her door. At this point, did it even matter? He already came all the way. She’d understand his nightmare-induced paranoia.

He knocked three times and was greeted with the muffled sound of barking. Black Hayate! He hadn’t even considered that the adorable little dog probably froze to death in his nightmare universe. He’d have to get the little guy a treat the next time he could.

There was a brief shuffling sound inside the apartment before footsteps, unlocking, and finally the door slowly opened. As soon as she saw who it was, her eyes widened and she opened the door fully.

“Colonel? What’s wrong?” She looked right and left down the hall. “Would you like to come in?”

“N-no, no, it’s fine,” he mumbled, still out of breath. “I just…needed to see you.”

She frowned and stared up at him. “…have you been drinking, Sir?”

He laughed. “You can always see right through me.”

“More like smell right through you in this case,” she said and pinched her nose. “Colonel - you shouldn’t be here.”

“I had a nightmare. About you. About…everyone.”

“That’s really not a good enough reason for you to be here.” She sighed.

“You were married to _Kimblee.”_

She glared at him and crossed her arms. “The Crimson Alchemist? There is absolutely no universe where that could even be a possibility.”

“You don’t understand, Hawkeye, it felt so…disgustingly real.” He leaned against her door frame when he realized he couldn’t stand up any longer. “It was awful.”

Riza sighed and pursed her lips together. “Sir, you’re drunk. And you shouldn’t be here.”

He sighed. “I know, I know. I’m sorry, I just….needed to see you.” He thought about grabbing her hand, but resisted the urge. “I needed to make sure you were alright.”

She hesitated for a moment before holding up a finger and walking back into her apartment. Roy didn’t even register how long she was gone before she reappeared with a glass of water. “Drink this.”

He nodded and took a big gulp. “Not gonna let me sleep on your couch this time, huh?”

“Not a chance,” she muttered while physically encouraging him to drink more. “Will you be able to get home alright?”

“Hmm…” Roy focused on the water for a minute, finishing it and biting down on an ice chunk. “I could call you when I get back. If that would ease your mind.”

Riza took the glass back and smiled softly. “That would make me feel much better, Sir.”

He leaned against the doorway and didn’t speak for a few moments - rather, he stared down at her face and basked in how amazing she was.

She hesitated for a moment, not sure if she should speak or if he was about to. He looked like he wanted to tell her something important, but at the same time he seemed perfectly content with silently staring.

The thought made her blush just a tiny bit - but Roy’s face lit up when he noticed it. “I suppose I should go, then…“ He spun around and announced to the mostly empty hall. He turned his head to look at her again. "It was nice to see you, Lieutenant!”

She smiled and started to close her door. “You, too, Sir.”


End file.
